Saturday, May 12, 2007

This is so funny

I know that this is a stamping blog, but my friend Liz sent me this e-mail and it's so funny I literally laughed out loud and kept laughing all the way to the end. I know this is probably making the rounds in the Internet and you all have probably seen it already but I don't care -- it's too funny not to share!

Pet Diary Excerpts

The Dog
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Amy said...

thanks for this! I LOL!!!!


doverdi said...

This is just too funny! I can definately see myself doing a scrapbook page on this one. I know that this is exactly how my dog and cat feel. My cat so loves to do a lot of the things you described and one of these days I will be at the top of the stairs. She loves to sleep on the stairs and with a dark stairway and a dark colored get the picture. I bet she even wrote this Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

I had not yet seent his. It is very funny. Reminds me of the how to give a dog a pill versus how to give a cat a pill. Too funny.

Marie said...

I laughed so hard the first time I read this. I put it on my blog too!

stampin_melissa said...

Oh, this is just too funny! Thanks for sharing!

Michelle said...

"The dog is obviously retarded!"
Too funny!